Comm Skills and haircut...

Today..30/07/08...was my Comm Skills individual presentation..
It had to be done cause it is for the participation marks....
I also cut a new hairstyle the day before..but many say that I look noob..
So from wig to noob..Haiz...
Roxann was very nervous today..she has been practicising for a long time since
last friday I think...but today she managed to ask teacher to change the positions of
ppl presenting which meant that I was 1st...

I was super scared...but my comments since sec sch were the same as poly..
Talking too fast....not enough eye contact...but I have been trying and hope I will.
Teacher like my visuals cause I was presenting on Sangsoo Herbland in Korea
I showed them pics of the flower meal and structures that I took there..

But I totally blew it when she asked me if i had tasted it and if it was to my liking...
I actually said "NOT MY TYPE"........
I was like so shocked that I had actually said that cause..
FOUR ppl namely Samanti, ZY, YJ and especially ROXANN
were laughing their pants off..

I kind of now like promised myself not to say these words again..
But its hard cause a leopard never changes its spots ya...

Anyway..I have to buck up for comm skills grp presentation as the marks there
are like super critical.....
And i want to pass this subject...

Oh man INHT test is in two days.....
Think I will go study..Not...But I have to..

So...GO GO GO ROCKETS!!!!!!!!!

Animals..

Everyone in Chinese is borned in a year of an animal..
But few believe that we inside have got the spirits of the animal inside us...
That day I was having a chat with a secret...
She said that

Roxann-was a pig cause she was fat..

YokeJin- was a lion cause she was a leader but like super fierce...Now she is a mother hen cause when she wears specs...very professional but not my type...

Nurul-was a pest namely a flea...cause she keeps on jumping here and there to different people parts.

ZhiYing-was a squirrel cause she think she very cute but supports Jam hisao!!!She and Yj also have buck tooth.

Samanti-she when pissed like super pissed but when she is nice is like a nice little tiger...so kind and nice

Suling-a forest...cause she is a peacemaker...Mother of the forest...like YokeJin in the sense as a mother hen just that she is protector of human and nature.

Jacquelyn-A hedgehog...cause when someone comes near, I prick others... and when I am nice...I am friendly..but ZhiYing thinks that I am a teddy bear cause i am nice to cuddle:(...Not my type...

So overall...This is what we are on earth..just a bunch of rowdy animals....Trying to have fun while we can!!!

Silence...

Here I am going to shoot my mouth off again...
Sometimes I too offend people without knowing and deep down
am super afraid to even admit this cause like I ain't got no guts to do what is right and wrong...
Sometimes i kid around a little too much til people can get tired of it..
Cause its like the same joke over and over again... And I have been scolded before for being a idiot with no other jokes and stuff.....
But thats how I am just some lame person who cannot strike up a conversation with another person by saying "Nice weather, we're having." Its just not me...And I hate it...
Having no skills of talking to people is like unheard of in my family...
And even some of the aunts and uncles would often make jokes of whether I have made friends in school cause they have seen just how unpopular I am......

I hate people like that....What do they know about me...
I see them only once a week sometimes once in 3 months.....
I hate all this....
I just want to get out of my shell and just stop looking around for pitiness from others..
Others I don need pitiness...I can walk well, my five senses work perfectly...
The only thing thats horrible...my introvertiness...

Pitiness was a thing from the past that made others to even befriend me
" Oh poor Jashi has no friends and sitting in a corner by her poor little self..."
Well no more of this crap...

From Today...I am not poor old Jashi...I am confident Jashi...
I shall open myself up even if I have to dig deep in myself
cause reality sucks and if I don't grow now
The chance will no longer come in the future..
and thats where I want to be headed in the right direction...

A better Me

Memories...

Yesterday and Today....
I just went with the frens of the present to eat at some fast food restaurants...
There it sparked many memories...Like at the chicken place..
Was one I shared with a secret, her only favorite place in the world was there..Though i had no interest at first but it reminded me of times together that we now failed to meet..
The fish place was where a certain buddy would hang out together before we shared stuff that no one knew but all is gone...cause we grew up..went our separated ways...Hopefully...we will cross paths again soon....
There i remembered watching S.H.E where i got tickets by sending in a gigantic envelop...
My old fren would never understand my needs and spit out stuff that nevr went through her head...and I was like always cleaning up after her....and I realise that though we shared similar interests...
she was never there when i needed her help...rather i was her support in a sense..
But she never supported me in terms of like when I cut a new look..
She was the first to dish me off or any defensive thing I did to protect other friends would incur her wrath which woul piss her off.....
I just wonder how long the friendship will last.....cause I still feel emptiness..
Being friends with her.........................

Quiet

Just want to say something to a very old dark secret....
Life has been quiet with out you
Life has been a blur
Life is a Whatever
But life still goes on....

Goals have changed
Clothes have shrunk
Boats capsized around the world
People changed in split seconds...
Health deteriorating in time...

My life could be lonesome without YOU......

OB PROJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haiz... the time is 10:15pm... My clients are still not done giving their statements...
Super crap...Just want to get it over and done with....but too sad...
Had to open moi's big mouth and say lame stuff on OB....SIGH....................
My clients are...
Samantha: Guilty as charged but seeing her work was done...Gets a new nickname:Samanti
Roxann: Not as guilty but still chargeable...Punishment: eating 10 chicken thighs everyday!!
ZhiYing: Article base was not correct..overdue date...Gets to spend the jail cell with Roxann forever by playing badminton forever.....
YokeJin: Always playing a fool, make ppl 喷大便 ,喷饭 , 喷血 .....Haiz...So she gets to spend her lifetime with SISSY Guy Forever..

End of Trial....Will all the charged..Please stand up
Please stand up!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chat Two@@@

Just had another chat the other day with Jashi...
Me: How I wish we were floating on the clouds looking at the skies than on this rough ground..
Jashi: Too bad..We are just humans not able to take off whenever we want...
Me: So hows life lately....Been quiet without you...
Jashi:(Face turned) so what...We got to lead our own lives....Ain't no matter whether we are talking or not...
Me: I am soryy..I didn't mean it that way..I just..I just wanted to..to..
Jashi:(Sighs) After so long...What have you achieved...Could you even name me one...No I forgot you couldn't..Why...Cause you have no spirit...you have so low esteem..you do nothing but daydream everyday....Sometimes I wonder why I even made friends with you...
Me: I...I..I...I thought we had something..a thing that made us friends...
Jashi: Well so sorry to tell you that all was but nothing....we were just people looking for comfort in others that led to this friendship...After so long..I have made friends of my own...While you are still clinging onto me...I HATE THAT...
Me:(Wide eyed) I...I..I thought that we were friends..we were...
Jashi: (raised voice) WELL NOW WE'RE NOT....I..I..I JUST HATE IT THAT YOU HAV TO ACT LIKE A LOST KITTY OR SOMETHING TREATING ME AS A COVER FOR YOU FROM ALL THE DAMN TROUBLES....SERIOUSLY...WHY WON'T YOU GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH YEAH AND FORGOT ABOUT CALLING ME NO MORE...CAUSE WE ARE OVER!!!!!
Me:(In tears) Wait..Don't go...I..I really treated you as a friend..I..I..Jashi...Don't.....go....

A small voice by the beach was softly heard...

"Don't go...my only best friend..."

HAHAHAHA

Nowadays I just want to laugh out loud and I mean really loud...
But who will be there to hear....Myself...Jashi...or even anyone?
I used to look at myself as someone cool maybe even a role model to look up to...
But after going through the many times of having to make friends and separate from
them again.....I find myself at a deep end like...the computer would be my best friend or
looking at others having fun makes me sad but happy for them.
I know myself as one that people will avoid...detest or maybe even make fun of.
Cause I have been a victim of being stupidly made fun of without a clue...
I have locked myself up tightly but I have been too afraid to even accept a new something or someone with out even looking at the whole picture. One of these days...I will open up and be a new me. One with accomplishments, one with wit and even one who can gain other's respect...
My only wish...

Haiz.....Sian

Today, the 22nd of July 2008. We had a presentation for BCS......
But one of my members failed to turn up by the fact that he sent us a sms at 6am in the morning!!!!!!
But overall we survived...and our red background was dazzling in the sense that it was kinda better than others.
XG was right in the sense that sometimes secrets have to be kept in order not to hurt a certain
someone but other times... the truth may best be told in terms of pettiness...
like importantness should be known as importance...
But Yoke Jin very lame today like keep on saying as like which sounded like has in.....
then presentation only say one slide..... then giv me coins instead of a note to pay me back.....
SUPER LAMER!!!!!!!

Haiz.....

People were always right when things were meant to be were meant to be...
But sometimes the wonder of being in destiny of love...Can be cool or bad...
Someone asked me the other day what i would do....
I too ever wondered what love would be.....But wats more important.....
Love or friendship???????
Qing Qing once was a leader but can be weak in terms of love but friendship was never one with love...
Haiz... even I have no idea wat I am talking or feeling now!!!!!!!!!!!!

INHT Roxz

My group of INHT consists of:

Roxann- Leader but always hungry.

Suling- Dramatic and loves taking pictures.

Nurul Ain- Super lame but hardworking

Yoke Jin- Ah Lian style with 'smelly feet' but super funny. She also has a new nickname: 小 晴!!

Jashi(Me)- Quiet with lame jokes.



Our project just ended this morning, 18/07/08, but like we had a great time and I have to say the best group I have enjoyed being with this 17 years of moi's life!!!!!



Another good news was.... My field trip Report mark was....(drumroll)... an A!!!

Super cool ya....But anyway... lets hope that we can team up together once again
and be the best group ever!!!!



For we are RSNYJ: Really Sexy Not Yetis Jups!!!

Sad story II

Lenny is a gal who has been with her friends for only a hort while as they just started college together. She was glad at first that she had managed to find pals as she was a very shy perso. But soon she realised that the group was behaving weirdly in the sense where they were always talking behind other's backs or just doing nasty stuff. But what hurt her most was her old friends thought that she was one of those bad gals, always playing practical jokes and stuff on the teacher. One day as they were all discussing their project, lenny flared up at them as they were just gossiping instead of doing work. She flung all of the group's papers on the ground and screamed at them: You should look at yourself first before talking about others!
With that, she ran away and hid behind a pillar as it was hurtful for her.
She thought that she was helping her friend little did she know that...from then on they avoided her like a pest, treated her as invisible and were even closer than ever...while Lenny could and only look on forever.......

Chat One@@@

Just had a chat with my other self, Jashi....
Me: How long have we not chatted? Being months now...
Jashi: You nuts, woman! We just like so totally communicated YESTERDAY!
Me: Oops.. Sorry, can't blame me for being forgetful with super many projects.
Jashi: yeah, i guess... But you seemed to be trying to break away from me...Are YOU!?
Me:(Staring at the clouds) Maybe I am... I want to lead a normal life too....I am not like you ...so daring and stuff... never like you...
Jashi:(Pissed) Just keep that stupid chin of yours up! Stop pitying yourself! You think that others will care if you are even dead! Why even if you were in the same room with others, They wouldn't even notice YOU!!!!
Me: But I...I...I thought...
Jashi: You thought your stinking head!!! Get this straight! I am here cause you think me up! I am not real nor even alive! You're the one living! So why can't you solve your stinking problems!!!!!
Me: I....I....But your are like my only best pal!!!!
Jashi:(Sarcastic) Best pal shita whatever.....You know what I have had enough of this shit with you especially!!! You know.. the sight of you irks me and your body is like one big damn hippo and I don't mean it in a nice way!!! So just...
Me: Jashi....I can be different.. Just don't leave me!!!! Our friendship...Isn't it important??
Jashi:(Back facing me) I guess it never was all that important to me....(Calmed down) You were my best bud I ever had but we all knew that we were different like you and books and I with drumming.....(Facing me) As much as I want to keep this friendship... I just want to say that we should go our own ways... go after our dreams...you know..just..let's just...GET OUT OF EACH OTHER'S FACES!!!!!!!!!!(Turns) Good-Bye....old friend....
Me:(Teary) No... I dun want you to go....Stay Please..Stay...

SOUNDS OF CRIES FROM A SAD LITTLE GIRL COULD BE HEARD FAR AND WIDE.....

Then a voice croaked:......Good-Bye...My Best Friend.......

Winner!

I miss being happy...Most of the time but aren't most ppl feeling this way?
maybe....but i often hide in the shadow of others and i never lift my head up....Why...
Don't I have the courage and stuff but I don't think I have cause..
I am a winner in a loser's shell.....

Lonely....

Sometimes I find my self walking with my head downwards and with a heavy backpack..
When I look up, I will see the dead end and somehow when I turn to walk out of the dead
end, I see another dead end like I am enclosed in this place with little breathing space..
in darkness.... I cannot cry out or even hear myself..... all I see is the replay of an image..
A enclosed heart with steel covering it and a rusty old looking lock by its side....
No matter how I touch it... It has no way of opening... Why.....
Is it the fear that encloses me or just the littlest things that I can't seem to let go...

Sad Story Part One....

Adam and Charlie were best friends since they were living next door to each other on Amber Street where only the rich of the richest lived. Their parents even knew each other, it was just perfect for everyone. Adam's dad, Brad and Charlie's dad, Mark grew up in a environment that they were giving their boys and had learned to share many things including love at one point... But this time in terms of Brad's wife, Mary, Brad learned to be possessive and when knew that his best mate, Mark was interested, swore to protect Mary from Mark's filthy hands from being a playboy for too long. What Brad didn't know was Mary had initially planned to know Brad to know Mark as she was in love with Mark at that time but as Brad was really kind to her, she decided to accept him but her heart still belonged to Mark's. After 5 yrs of courtship, at 25 years of age, Brad and Mary decided to wed which left Mark very heartbroken. But at the night before the wedding, Mary and Mark met up one on one and something happened that will affect the future of both families......

Relieved but Nervous....

Tomorrow was supposed to be my INHT presentation.....
But we were let off the hook and postponed to next week due to
Nurul's sprained ankle and our fellow leader, Roxann's badly sprained back, which is by far the worst back I have ever seen.... But anyway... In this way, poor Yoke Jin will be able to recuperate and sleep soundly tonight.... And dream of her Expo guy the whole night..... As for SuLing, well...probably the most hardworking as her script is done and like in three pages so ya...
As the last member of the group.... Well I guess I am just too happy go lucky that
I have been getting enough sleep and able to have no stress whatsoever at all...
So I am kind of like the group's paramedic giving them medicine each time they need it!!!
So Yeah gals put our hands together and make the presentation the best ever!!!!
Go INHT GROUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

公主幫 冒險世界..Must Support!!!

公主幫 - 冒險世界 sung by: 毛弟 翰獎 小馬 阿本 野獸

聚光燈照亮的瞬間
我仿佛流著超人般熱血
寫下動人的那章節
為了你 我什麼都不怕就算前方
有再多的冒險

要跟著你一起走向前
有多困難我不怕危險相漫畫裡面的情節 我想變成誰
突然間手裡握著寶劍 下一刻在筋鬥雲上面
想象著世界會因我而改變 Spotlight

聚光燈照亮的瞬間
我仿佛流著超人般熱血
寫下動人的那章節
為了你 我什麼都不怕
就算前方 有再多的冒險

看著我執著的堡壘 仿佛了我的夢想起飛
而現實生活的考驗 勇敢去面對
對未來永遠保持信念 而現在我們肩並著肩
想象著世界會為我而改變 Spotlight

聚光燈照亮的瞬間
我仿佛流著超人般熱血
寫下動人的那章節
為了你 我什麼都不怕

聚光燈照亮的瞬間
我變成焦點 超越那極限
誰說不可能的預言
為了你 我什麼都不怕
就算前方 有再多的冒險

RAP：小時候 也有夢想
轉眼間 一個希望
毫不猶豫勇敢向前闖
發光 發熱 發亮
公主幫 JUMP JUMP
絕對不會退讓
全力對抗所有阻擋
公主幫 YOUNG YOUNG
無限能量
天空 飛翔 飛翔

聚光燈照亮的瞬間
我仿佛流著超人般熱血
寫下動人的那章節
為了你 我什麼都不怕

聚光燈照亮的瞬間
我變成焦點 超越那極限
誰說不可能的預言
為了你 我什麼都不怕
就算前方 有再多的冒險
就算決定照亮我的世界

Sad...

I used to think that friends would last forever but they don't..
That's what makes me feel out of control..
Like I want to go to the beach and scream or something...
I sometimes don't understand myself...
Everytime I give someone a chance, it often breaks my heart..
And I have to seal it up again..
My heart is probably now being sealed up too many times..
Too even be open...Why..
What did I do or go wrong....
All I need is someone there to smile with..
Not just a empty shell with no soul... just entertaining me....
Why???????

Friendship.....

I recently saw a old buddy of mine way back from primary school..
I was taking the bus standing and looking out the back door
just as the driver closed it and I saw her... She had changed a lot..
from a nerdy coward person to a confident and pretty person...
I remebered the happy times we had and sad times we had..
But nothing can be done as we were separated by a glass door...
She unable to hear my shouts nor see me and I...........
Not able to get into her life again....................
Our promises were made and gone ...
How hard is it to find good friendship and how easy it is to just lose it.....
"That's what frens are for"...............